Sunday, December 11, 2011

Anxiety Seeping Through My Seams


I'm getting really restless.  I don't want to live in this damn city anymore, I feel really stuck.  The problem  certainly is not motivation, we are more than motivated.  The issue is the means, once we've figured out the HOW everything will be gravy.  Until then I am bubbling over with anticipation, this consumes my dreams most nights and most days.  I spent so much time trying to force happiness in my previous life, I am finally sincerely happy now and I just want to be free to become even happier.  I feel like once we've gotten somewhere we can relax and be comfortable, we will  be elevated to a brand new place, one neither of us have been before.  If we have the ability to make the very best of this place, I can't  imagine the bliss we'll find in the future.  I can't wait for things to align and I am plotting and planning every single day to get us there. This house has too many memories that belong to too many other people.  Every corner has an identity and a feel.  I need to start somewhere that doesn't hold any of my memories yet, this way I can build new ones without the old memory after taste to muck it all up. I guess, I just can't wait to start the life I know I am meant to have.

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