So, I am on day 4 of a 5 day vacation all of which I have spent sick. It figures, we have been planning this trip for months and are overdue for a good time so, the universe decided that it was time for my body to shut down. I am pleased with myself for upgrading to the nicer room, I've spent a lot of time here. This is the point in my trip when I start to feel sorry for myself because I am in a constant state of either illness, recovery or illness prevention (which by the way rarely works). This period of self loathing never lasts long, I am entirely too proud to feel sorry for myself for any significant length of time. Now I'm just pissed. So, for the thousandth time I am kicking my health routine into overdrive, be proactive right? I have a juicer and I know how to use it! Really though, I'm 28 going on 48 and I need to start being more realistic about the "special needs" of my body. I remember a time when I could eat and drink anything, in any combination, whenever I wanted. That ship has sailed, I'm hypoglycemic so I have to watch my sugar and I have a depleted immune system from illness as a child as well as what I am 99 percent positive is an ulcer. I feel like an idiot sometimes for thinking that I am super girl or something and that I can do anything, consequence free! Reality Bites. In order to be healthy enough to do the things that I want to do, I have to take charge of how I treat myself and be responsible for my body.
Going to the Doc regularly is something that I really suck at, as a kid I was sick allllll the time and spent a lot of time in the hospital, having all kinds of tests, procedures and a few surgeries. I guess I'm tired of being poked and afraid of something being "found". This makes me a complete fucking MORON. I lost my Grandfather in January of 2010 because he had an ulcer that he never saw the doctor for until he was bleeding out into his stomach. After countless surgeries to try and repair him, there was nothing more that could be done. How stupid! A fucking ulcer killed him, something the doctor tells you to take Tagament for and avoid peppers and citrus. He had to have been in agonizing pain for over a year on and off and never took care of it, then he spent several more agonizing months in the hospital only to lose the battle and leave us all too early. Am I angry about this? Absolutely. You would think that this horrific loss would open my eyes to the real risks of not taking proper care of yourself. I think it finally sunk in today. Today is my Grandfather's birthday and I am sitting in a fancy hotel room in Vegas with a pocket full of cash, too sick to enjoy my time because I can't be bothered to take the necessary steps to stay healthy. Guilt has taken over, I not only ruined my vacation but I have now allowed my idiocy to wreck John's much deserved vacay as well.
I don't know what purpose this rant serves other than to remind myself and maybe others of the importance of taking care of yourself, if not for your benefit than the benefit of those who love you.
Happy Birthday Gramps! I love you to a zillion pieces and think of you every day. You have taught me valuable lessons in life as well as in death. You brought sincere happiness and love to every person you came into contact with, I have never met a more loving, accepting person and I don't think I ever will. You are missed more than you could have ever imagined.
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